Things that are goofy in Ukraine

Anytime I move somewhere new and foreign, I am struck daily by things that are different, bizarre, unsettling and fantastic. Over time (increasingly shorter amounts of it) these things become commonplace. So I'd like to make a few notes about odd things we have all seen recently that deserve a mention:
1. When you have a birthday, you are obligated to provide the food and drink for the party in your office. Kind of takes the fund out of celebrating when you are out of pocket!
2. While driving to pick Michael up after a basketball game, A had to stop on a one-way road that was blocked by an ambulance. As he watched, the two ambulance personnel loaded a man in the back. And then the man fell out of the ambulance! The best part is that the two men, instead of leaping over to catch him, jumped out of the way - as A said, like they had just dropped a piano. The man on the ground and the ambulance personnel then waited around and, when the police came, they all put him back in the back. We think he was drunk, but still. If i get sick - I'm driving myself to the hospital.
3. (Caution: Personal female information. Squeamish people and men read no further.) Last weekend I went to the hair and beauty salon across the street. I got a haircut, and wanted to get my eyebrows shaped and a bikini wax. No problem on the first two. And I spoke in Russian with the wax-er. Apparently there is a cultural/language discrepancy I was unaware of. "Bikini Wax" translates loosely as "Brazilian wax." I realized this fairly far into the procedure, and was able to maintain some (?) dignity. However, let's put it this way. At one point the woman said, Oh - I see you've had kids. Ahem. As the Ghostbusters said - "important safety tip" - don't order a bikini wax without explaining what you really want!
4. I suppose being attacked by a pack of wild dogs on the way back from the supermarket is normal in many parts of the world, so I'll have to think up...

More stories later. And possibly photos!

Frozen Precipitation

We are on Day 21 in a row of frozen precipitation. It isn't so much that there is lots of snow on the ground, as much as continuous flurrying, and a little melting, and lots of "slyakhot", which is Russian for slush, and very fun to say out loud. I didn't really notice the long stretch of weather, until the sun came out for a few hours last week, and we all ran to the windows in amazement. "Look, light!" This is the Kyiv winter I was promised! And the temperatures always sound so much colder in Celsius, so I think I feel colder. With windchill today it's -17 degrees C. That's really 5 F, which is cold, but not as frightening as -17. I eschew fashion and wear my snowboots everywhere, since the ground is slushy and icy, since the slush freezes nightly. Thank the Lord for our indoor parking space!


On a separate note, the photo below is from a Lawyer's Day Event I attended in October. (Lawyer's Day is a Ukrainian holiday on October 8 - but you don't get work off.) Anyway, the woman third in from the left is Olena, who works for me. And the man in the center is Ambassador William Taylor, who is absolutely fantastic. I am really unimpressed with the suit that I am wearing here, but it's part of my overall problem that after the baby I lost around 25 pounds from my original weight, and none of my clothes that I have worn for years fit anymore. The pants here are literally about to fall off, and look like MC Hammer pants from the '90s. And I am so used to wearing a badge on a laniard that I don't wear necklaces, which I may reconsider here. But enough "What Not To Wear - Kyiv edition." The event was short and focused, and the Minister of Justice made a lot of points that directly corresponded with the directions that the US Government is trying to help the Gov't of Ukraine go in. So enjoy the old photo.

More than just a baby blog.

A & M in Jerusalem, following the path that Jesus took with the cross.
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It has been noted that my husband and son do not make any significant appearances in this blog. Now for those of you with small, helpless children, this should come as no surprise. Why? The camera is always pointed down at the cute smiling face, not usually at the rather-bored-looking teenage face, and not at the husband, who is most often behind the lens. And mommies don't like having photos of themselves taken for a variety of reasons involving the negative image of women perpetuated by the media, etc. Anyway, here are some photos of A and M from Israel. Here, M enjoys a giant Turkey leg.

I like this photo, as M is appropriately serious as he touches the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem.

And finally, the boys at the Dead Sea, covered in special healthy (?) mud!

Israel Turkeys!

We spent Thanksgiving in Israel, as one does, you know. It's no Beirut - garden spot of the Mediterranean - but it'll do in a pinch. I was amazed by the following: a) it was in the low 80s, delightfully warm; b) it seemed as though everyone spoke Russian, and the food in the grocery stores was all in Russian; c) Tel Aviv is an oasis, but the rest of the country really does look like the scenery in the Charleton Heston movie; d) people really shouldn't mistreat the camels the way that they do; e) the Palestinian settlements are really RIGHT there near Jerusalem. Yet i never felt scared....

And now, photos of how S spent the trip:Who doesn't love their first slide experience? What a great face! She wanted to do this again and again and again...

Baby Starfish

Here in Ukraine, where the high is often 28 degrees, and where wild babies roam the streets, it is important to prevent your child from running off in the cold with these packs of rogue babies. One easy system that nannies have devised is the "Starfish" method, whereby a child is dressed in about 6 layers of clothing. This slows them down considerably - as noted in the photo attached, where Miss S is wearing tights, pants, a onesie, a purple knit sweater, purple knit pants, snow boots, a "combintsion" or snowsuit, a hat, mittens and the scarf that Grandora knit years ago. I think this is the only photo where I've seen her smiling while wearing this, and not with her eyes rolled back in her head from heat exhaustion.

But in Lyuda's defense, it is cold outside, and this lets Miss S play outside for 2-4 hours a day, and may also be the reason that she takes 3 hour naps every day....

Halloween Costumes!

Unfortunately, Kodak Gallery is having some issues with our new version of (evil) Windows Vista, and I can't upload photos! So until we can overcome this technical glitch, I will be providing selected photos this way. Sarah had a lot of costumes over the holiday, including GranDora-provided tutus...

Trip to the Pechersk Lavra

We took the tour to the Pechersk Lavra two weekends ago. A Lavra is the name given to a Monastery of the highest order in the Eastern Orthodox Church. It was a very holy place, with beautiful churches and fantastic frescoes. Many of them were renovated after independence - the church shown here has walls dating back to the 14th Century, but the facade was redone in the 1990s. You will notice my stylish scarf - women have to cover their heads when entering the church. Sarah was exempted, but she enjoyed playing with the dead leaves more than the art anyway!

A Word picture of life here

It's hard for me to describe what it's like to live here. So many people have perceptions about this part of the world - thanks to the Cold War - more than if we lived in, say El Salvador or Mongolia. The number of people who asked if I was going back to Russia (after I explained I was going to Kyiv) was somewhat astounding. I hold no blame here - when I joined the Foreign Service, I felt equally confused by geography. In fact, since they list the possible postings by capital cities, I was often sent running to the atlas. (Anyone know what Ouagadougou is actually the capital of? How about Belmopan? Bandar Seri Begawaan?) Yeah, me neither, and it behooves me to know since if I put it on my Bid list I could end up living there for 2-4 years!
Anyway, I was going to try to give you an idea of what life is like, one story at a time. This weekend we borrowed a car and headed around town. Driving is a bit crazy - the city was designed both for times before cars and then it was expanded at a time when very few people had cars. So folks have to park on the sidewalk. As the mother of a toddler this scares the living crap out of me. How do you warn a small child not only to look both ways when they cross the street and to look behind them when standing quietly on the sidewalk? Yikes! But I digress. A did a fantastic job of maneuvering around and through the impatient drivers, and we were able to drop M off a birthday party that was darn hard to find. The last part of the directions involved a dirt road, turning at a lake and asking a guard to unlock a gate in the middle of the woods. But he had a great time at the restaurant, and seemed to be a hit with the ladies ;-) A, S and I headed off to our friends' house for dinner, and got hopelessly lost. Not because I haven't been navigating based on maps since I was 8, but because they don't do street signs here. We got so lost we actually left Kyiv - the only sign at that point was "Odessa" - which is a bit like when you're on I-95 north of DC and the sign says "New York - 250" Oops! The reason it's hard to find addresses is because the actual signs are on the sides of buildings, about 12-15 feet above the ground, and the number is giant, but the street name is about 2 inches high. I dont' know about you, but I find that damn hard to read when driving at speed. And the big glamorous street signs at the intersection are paid for my companies, so they might have the name of an upcoming street, or just as likely, the name of an upcoming street that intersects an upcoming street but that you sure ain't never gonna find, but they definitely have an arrow pointing you to the big Fish Store or local Sport Hall. Needless to say, after driving the wrong way down one way streets and being lost for half an hour, poor Miss S heards some choice adult language as I "bemoaned" the inability of Ukraine to get their act together.
This is a common side effect of living overseas, for those who haven't. One day it's the most magical place with wonders and novelty, and the next it could be stricken from the planet for all you care. Ah, the 4 phases of foreign adjustment! But really, overall, we love it here....

Travel Outside of Middle Earth

I returned from a three day trip to Izmail, a city on the southern border with Romania. Overall it was useful from a work standpoint, but also showed a little more of the "real" Ukraine, versus the very different lifestyle lived in downtown Kyiv. For one thing, everything is much less expensive outside of the capital. No shock there. But what surprised me was how big Ukraine is, and really how relatively uninteresting the scenery is. We drove 12 hours each way, and it was lots of fields and sheep and carts and highway. Oh, and of course, "Turkish toilets." Shudder. Thank heavens for hand sanitizer. Anyway, the scenery became more interesting down near the limans (apparently the name for a unique water feature of a small lake-like spit that connects a river and an ocean - it's like brackish water in the US? We couldn't find an exact comparison.

The photo if from our stop at the Belgorod-Dnistrovski fortress. The sign says "Danger!" but as you can see that was really the only tribute to my protection. The fortress is very well-preserved, and was a welcome break from the drive.

Take that - Babushki!

Since we've arrived, A has been chastised in Russian and Ukrainian by "well-meaning" babushki (grandmothers) for the state of poor S's dress. Even when the temperature is 20 C/68 F outside, they holler that she is freezing. Conveniently, he can't understand what they're saying, so he just says "Spasibo!" (Thanks!)
So finally, he caved the other day and bought a hat that ties in a market kiosk located in a street underpass - well, that's where all the good shopping is anyway. We had to buy a hat that ties as the whole problem all along has been a confinement issue - she just pulls the darn hats off.
We bought gloves today as well, and she managed to lose one within two hours. Such a smart girl...

I'm back - A bit like neon legwarmers, though, it could be a fad

I finally remembered my password! Hooray! And today we received the exciting news that A has successfully hooked up our internet at home and it is quick and easy. So you all (anyone who is left) will now be receiving fairly regular updates on our life here in Kyiv. Well, in the limited way in which I share information, that is. I think my employer frowns on sharing too much about work, but since we're planning on traveling and expanding our cultural awareness (and since I have interesting kids) there should be plenty to keep this blog hopping!

So the big news first. One, we have decided to add a third year to our time here. That means we'll finish up conveniently close to the 2011 Rugby World Cup in New Zealand.

Second, after ten straight days of torrential downpour and freezing weather, I am looking out my window at sun for the first time in forever. Praise be!

Third, my darling little sister has confirmed that her wedding will be on September 19, 2009. This means a confirmed trip to the States, for those interested in actually seeing my face ever again.

Fourth, my talented sister-in-law has begun her own blog, which is the impetus for me re-energizing here. Hers has music - I know, I'm behind the times. But next time I'll include photos, and perhaps even a video or two. We've got a great "bikembikem" photo of S with some of her first "words."

Fifth, Happy, Happy Birthday to my two fantastic kids, last Tuesday and next Monday. Every year I am more in awe of both of them....

Where have I BEEN??

December? I haven't posted since December? What have I been doing? oh, that's right. Slacking off. Shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone. Despite my facade of serious, studious behavior, I'm really a goof. Actually, I don't think that I'm fooling anyone. My facade is that of someone whose sense of humor got the best of her. I am improving at my ability to appear serious when called upon, but sometimes I just can't resist. In a training course I did once, they told me to only say one out of every three things that come to mind, if you are an interrupter by nature. I actually do that - and I still find that I interrupt all of the time.
Anyway, as they say in Russian, let's return to our sheep. (I don't know why they say that - perhaps they're secretly Kiwi?) I have been raising the baby, minding the teenager and caring for the husband. I've been in Russian since the end of February, perfecting my Russian. For the first time in the 16 years I've been studying, it's really coming together. I can pretty freely say anything I'd like to, and all of the sleeping vocabulary has been reawakened. Now if only i understood the damn grammar.....
The bub is sleeping through the night now, which is totally huge. 9 PM to 5 AM. Those without kids can scoff at the fact that that's "all night" but for 3 months she was waking up every hour and a half and refused to be comforted by anything other than nursing. I don't know how I survived. SHe's got teeth and character and can pull herself up, and is close to walking (I'm convinced she's a genius, but I could be a bit close to the issue.)
Headed overseas in August, but hopefully I'll post more on that less than 6 months from now.
That's enough of a wine-fueled stream of consciousness for now.

Long Hiatus - Of Burps, Burbles & Burfles

I had every intention of being a dedicated blogger while home on maternity leave. In fact, I was going to completely re organize the house, brush up on my Russian skills and learn how to knit. It's been 10 weeks and I have succeeded so far in, well, I've showered every day. And I am proud of that. It's not that I sit around all day, just taking care of the baby 24-7. I mean, A is here to help, so I'm much luckier than many other first-time moms. It's the combined pressures of not getting anywhere near enough sleep & being salary-free (which cuts down on options for daytime shopping trips) and the unpredictability of S's schedule. On the upside, I am intimiately familiar with the daytime TV schedule. So I've revised my goals to taking lots of pictures of S as she grows, and getting out the house once a day.

Last night I had another new parent moment. S had finished a bottle of formula, and then breast-fed some more. I suspected she was eating for reasons other than hunger, so I sat her up to burp her. She must have swallowed something the wrong way, because she had her first projectile "burfle." And my first thought wasn't "I should clean up my PJs & her PJs" but, "Wow, that went almost 6 inches, who can I tell how impressive my baby is?" It was really quite like Linda Blair in the Exorcist, & she seemed much happier afterwards.

So, I'll try to be better, and not to bore you all with the intricacies of daily mommy-life!

Big'n'Round

I'm entering the home stretch - definitely starting to feel it. I always thought of the basketball analogy as a bit trite, and that is definitely confirmed by the fact that this darling baby of mine feels like a medicine ball attached to my abdomen, not an air-filled basketball! I can sometimes forget that I am pregnant, but then I'll try to reach something far away, or, more likely, the baby will perform a barrel roll. Hard to ignore that. Photos of my belly are available for those that want them - just email me, and I'll send them on.

A and I went through childbirth class - it was very practical, thank heavens. There was some breathing practice (inhale... hee, hee, hee, full exhale or "think of a colored triangle") which was a bit hokey, but I'll tell you how it went after labor. Maybe I'll be happy I knew about the triangle? We saw lots of diagrams that should be mandatory training for teenagers as birth control - yuck! (No more details, sorry folks.) We toured Sibley Hospital - the "Country Club" of DC-area hospitals, and quite nice. Yeah, health insurance! Most importantly, they have a kitchenette for A's beers, and Wifi in the cafe for him to get rugby World Cup updates. We have a lot of the "stuff" associated with child-ownership, including clothes, diapers and transport system. What I am worried about is getting all 3 passports in time to get to NZ for Christmas. Relying on the DC public records system for a quick turnaround could doom us to failure. Pray for us....

More Baby Info For YOU!

The "bub" is growing rapidly at this stage, and I am looking obviously "in the family way." Still not pregnant enough to get anyone to give up their seat on the Metro to me, but I think that may be a bit of human nature. I think men are afraid they'll give up my seat, and I'll tell them that I'm just fat - not pregnant - and get offended. Ah, the PC life we live! So far, the heat hasn't gotten to me - I spend a lot of time inside at work in the A/C. DC can be brutal, although my inlaws are loving the heat - my father-in-law has a strange internal thermometer that is happiest over 100 degrees.

I'll be posting more - sorry about the delay- I have felt like Julie the cruise ship director from "Love Boat" lately as I get family to their necessary camps and locations. Busy, busy!

For those who are interested, we are registered at http://www.babiesrus.com and www.burlingtoncoatfactory.com (who knew they had good baby items!) and http://www.babycatalog.com - we can be found under Mayhew in Virginia. If you have any advice - things you found helpful if you have kids, or things your friends found helpful, let me know, and I'll look out for them!

I'm the Lead in Alien

It seems as though in the past two weeks this baby has taken on - literally - a life of its own. It went from "gentle flutters" in my abdomen to bizarre cases where my stomach appears to have hiccups. I'll be doing something quiet - like typing a blog - and suddenly my lower half will jerk spasmodically to the left. It's a bit disconcerting. I did learn, though that the baby likes it when I eat Kraft macaroni and cheese, and when I watch rugby. I think that this solidifies any debate about whether or not preferences are determined in the womb - obviously this will be an athletic, laid-back Kiwi kid with weird American food tastes and my big nose. (Poor thing - it's just genetics!) And now, back to trying to focus while watching "Mutiny of the Body."

Two Years of Wedded Bliss

We just celebrated our two year anniversary on Monday. Let's see how the numbers stack up: one trans-hemispheric move, three new jobs (one for me, two for A), one new school, two new sports (M's baseball and A's old-guy rugby team), one anticipated baby, one set of uncles in the basement, one blow-the-budget travel schedule that has taken us to San Fran, LA, Boston, NYC, Northern Neck VA, Reno, Philly, NH, Dublin, Krakow, London, Brussels, Tirana, ALbania, Budapest and a trip to NZ. I don't know how normal people function - spacing out major life events or staying in the same place for more than 3 years! But then they miss out of such exciting life adventures as the Jelly Belly Factory tour in Fairfield, CA. Best trip EVER!

Anyway - overall - life is good, the baby is starting to kick hard enough that I can feel it, the in-laws are coming in 2 weeks for their great American adventure, and the weather is beautiful! Wish you were here....

How Travel Has Changed!

We're off to the SanFran wedding of one of my oldest dearest friends. I have thought about this day a lot over the past almost 20 years. The ceremony as described in the invite is just like her - laid-back, "shotgun chic." (The wedding is at a Rod & Gun Club, and we can shoot skeet if we get there early - not quite her left-wing style, but definitely funky.) Anyway, the way I'd imagined celebrating with her isn't quite what this is looking like. Travel with kids has taken some getting used to - even though M is really young adult. You have to plan one "event" each AM and PM, instead of the 3 events with lots of walking and minimal snacks when it's just you. No bachelorette party - largely because a) I can't drink and b) minimizing school absence is important. But family is important, and I'm looking forward to just being with my boys and not working. I will find a balance here - hot mama party chick layin' it down with my buds, and stable mature mama chick, nurturing her kids and supporting her husband. I know I can do both, it's just a question of planning! After all, didn't we decide to have a kid since we don't often go out anyway?

Peer Pressure

In response to Alex's comment below, no, I am not poppin' 'roids. Nor can I drink caffeine or consume aspartame; I can't eat hot dogs or change cat litter; no brie for me, and definitely no aspirin, pepto-bismol or anything even approximating a drug without doctor approval. Why? Peer pressure. My co-workers were doing it, my friends were doing it, even my brother is doing it. Yep, we're having a kid. Due end of September. Yeah! Comments and questions welcome...

Brussels, San Fran and Points in Between

So after Christmas in Carson City, NV, we headed home to NoVa. Birthdays passed - mine in Kosovo, A's at home with M and the guys in the basement; snow and ice fell from the sky, after what had been a warm, warm winter. A had spent most of that winter praying for a snowfall, but after the first he'd had his fill, and wasn't too happy to shovel the driveway 2-3 more times. I had the chance to see Brussels for the first time on a whirlwind Feb trip of 2 days. Sadly, I was under the weather, and barely dragged myself to the Grand Plac once to get chocolates for office and home. In fact, most of February was spent miserably ill, but on the bright side, I am now more svelte than I have been, well, ever! (But watch this space for weight gain soon, if you know what I mean, hint, hint, wink, wink!) On the 10-11th we went to Phila for teh King Tut exhibit and the Philadelphia Flower Show (listed as one of the 1,000 Things To Do Before You Die.) Both were fantastic, but the crush of being surrounded by hundreds of thousands of people made us happy to head back to the "quiet" of our full house. (Cousin O came to visit us that weekend as well, so we were 6 and a dog for one night.) And at the end of April, I've booked us tickets to the wedding of one of my oldest and dearest friends in San Fran. We've added a day to sightsee - suggestions welcome - and if we get to the wedding early, there's the opportunity to shoot. Not like a driveby in Oakland, the wedding will be at a Hunt club, so we shoot skeet. M is more excited than I can relay.
And that may have to be all the travel I can handle, as A's parents arrive in early June for EIGHT WEEKS! Busy summer.... More on the inlaw visit later.

Birthday Season Again!!

Hey, all - it's about that time again... A and I are celebrating our birthdays at the end of the month. This photo was from my 30th in NZ, which had a '70s theme. Amazing how good A looked in his feathered wig and purple leisure suit.

A and I are planning a bit of a do in early February when M is away on a ski trip. A grown-up gathering of friends in DC. If you're in the area, feel free to drop on by. This time, no costume required!

Chicken Kyiv??

Yes, we are going to Kyiv (aka Kiev for all you old-school out there.) Departure currently estimated at August 2008, following an intensive training program for me. Six months of economics and then six months of Russian language training. The boys are excited, since the school and bars seem to be top-notch. I'm excited, as I'll be combatting organized crime... well, really just managing the programs that actually do the combatting.
A note, though - in the State Department, nothing is final until you've already done it, so there's always a chance I won't get to go, and will be redirected somewhere else. Not a huge chance, but it still looms out there.

In other news, A has a nifty job. Email him and ask about it - it's in a field he enjoys, so we're happy. M is getting braces this month, apparently a new form of torture invented by parents to stunt a pre-teen's social life. And we all had a great Holiday break in Carson City at the "San Antonio Ranch." I explored my Nevada roots (didn't know I had any, did you!) and we got in some nice skiing and gambling. Aaaaahhhh, the American way!

The Stress of Gifts

In my extended family, we now do a Pollyanna gift exchange. I have 7 cousins, and 8 aunts and uncles. (Sadly, only one grandmother left, but she’s not the gift-receiving type.) In order to save cash, we decided last year to assign one giftee to each gifter. Then my immediate family (brothers & sisters & parents) decided to have another, smaller Pollyanna. So we’re on the hook for 6 different gifts, for people from Arizona to New Hampshire, and the planning and foresight to ship them in a timely fashion. Recipe for disaster. Some folks – easy to buy for. Others? Complete mystery. I have 2 cousins I have seen a total of 6 times EVER! Buying for a stranger is a real joy. I can barely think of suitable things for my son, for heavens sake. (I’m not a bad mother, I just keep straying towards new pants and socks, and away from BB guns, which is what he wants!) And Miss Manners says that gift cards are the penultimate evil, exposing your complete lack of sensitivity to the world. That would nevah do, now would it, Miss Vanderbilt? But I will note with pride that we are sending our last gift for the Pollyanna out tomorrow. Yeah! (Now I have to worry about non-Pollyanna people who deserve gifts, or might get me one and I’ll be forced to respond. Never ending.)
And the flip side here is that you know the system will break down, and I won’t get anything from my designated gifter. Not that it’s about gifts, but it is, a little. Christmas gets a bit thin when you’re older, despite the # of give-her-diamonds-each-year ads on TV. Don’t know about you, but I’ve been getting socks, undies, shampoo, USEFUL things. It is, however, part of a long tradition- after all, Jesus got gold and frankincense. Not a Playstation 3.

I am SOOOooooOOO In Demand... (I Hope)

The "Meat market" has begun, and all of those jobs I showed interest in are deciding whether or not I am worth their time and effort, and weighing my merit relative to other, generally equally qualified people. So far, I've been lucky. There are two positions - "Drugs and Thugs" coordination in Kyiv, Ukraine (see photo for worksite conditions) and a helath job in Moscow - working on Avian Flu, TB and HIV/AIDS. Both sound quite uplifiting (?) So - I hope to find out soon, but in the meantime, feel free to register your vote. Moscow or Kyiv (aka Kiev)? Both have equally icky cuisine, tough weather conditions, poverty, and corruption. But they also both speak Russian, have great Communist tchotchke for sale, and good high school for the little one. Oh, what to do!

RUGBY!

Looks like my dear hubby will be competing in the upcoming Ambassador's Shield, November 19 here in DC. He hasn't tried out yet, but either way we're going to sit by our All Blacks flag and drink Speight's (or Miller if we can't find any Kiwi beer) and harangue the backs about their lack of fluidity, and how much better Dan Carter looks in a tight top than any of them. I'm excited! It is sponsored by the NZ Ambassador (a colleague from my time there) and promises to be some of the best rugby you'll see in the US - for whatever that's worth.
Come one, come all!

Oh, The Humanity!

The latest victim of the escalating U.S. conflict - the internal war between our "native" citizens and our immigrant population. And yet another example of an ally in the War on Terror being rebuked for their service....


US bans Vegemite
Kelvin Healey
October 22, 2006
THE United States has slapped a ban on Vegemite, outraging Australian expatriates there.The bizarre crackdown was prompted because Vegemite contains folate, which in the US can be added only to breads and cereals.
Expatriates say that enforcement of the ban has been stepped up recently and is ruining lifelong traditions of having Vegemite on toast for breakfast.
Former Geelong man Daniel Fogarty, who now lives in Calgary, Canada, said he was stunned when searched while crossing the US border recently.
"The border guard asked us if we were carrying any Vegemite," Mr Fogarty said.
"I was flabbergasted." Paul Watkins, who owns a store called About Australia in San Antonio, Texas, said he had been forced to stop importing Vegemite six months ago.
"We have completely stopped bringing it in," he said.
"(US authorities) have made a stance and there is nothing that can be done about it."

Bidding Is Like A Lottery With Your Life

Unlike past years, the focus now is on filling difficult jobs first, and then the relatively "cushier" positions. And unlike past years, where "difficult" meant Tbilisi or Beijing or Jerusalem, this year is means Iraq and Afghanistan, as well as a number of other countries with unaccompanied postings - i.e. I can go, but my family can't. This just isn't a time in my life where I want to head off by myself, and with M heading to high school soon, school is supremely important. And this pressure is really unfortunate because we ARE willing to serve in a hard spot - I"m looking at Beijing, Moscow, Lima, Bogota, Lusaka (this is a test of your geography skills!) - all places with difficult living and/or working conditions. I don't know how it's all going to turn out, and I know we'll land on our feet, even though it may be somewhere we'd never, ever considered serving. If I play my cards right, I could know by the winter holidays, but it's also possible I could be into March and have no clue where we're headed. It really is like reaching into the lottery ball machine and pulling out a random number sometimes... except without the $1 mn jackpot.

Craigslist Funny about Foreign Service

I want to be a foreign service wife - 29
Reply to: pers-197008060@craigslist.orgDate: 2006-08-21, 4:18PM EDTJust that. I'm a decent, single, normal guy, good looking and fluent in Arabic, French, and Spanish. I have an advanced degree in international relations, I don't smoke and never drink to excess. I'm white, tall, in good shape physically, irrepressably optimistic and funny, love kids and am friendly to dogs and all other creatures. Here's my story: I grew up overseas as the child of diplomats, and I passed the foreign service exam this year, but find the idea of being Condi's minion a little tiresome. Instead of being a foreign service officer, I think I'd like to be a Foreign Service Wife. I'd be a great party host, help you make good contacts, impress your colleagues, do morale-boosting things at the embassy, organize school things, take on photography and travel writing, cook, drive, organize vacations, and have whatever marital and sexual relationship you want. I'd live frugally and manage your money so you get more instead of less, and sign any pre-nuptual you want. I'm a catch, so if you want someone to go along with you to the Kerplackistan or wherever, I'm all yours. I'll even buy you a nice fat diamond ring. I just want to travel and enjoy the foreign service life and I think I'd like to be the bit part instead of the main player. If it can work for Queen Elizabeth, it can work for you. So? Let's start with an email, move on to pics, hook up for coffee, and who knows? Maybe we can walk down the aisle before you wrap up your A100 class!
no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Being Kid-less

The son is in camp until mid-August. Hubby & I are living more like "singletons" than "smug myriads." We've gone out to dinner twice (!!) this wee, and are planning lots of adult activities this weekend (not, that's not dirty - more like going to bars and eating places that don't have an obligatory chicken fingers/fries/burger kid's menu.) I'm actually really enjoying it, but I am a little guilty. Shouldn't I be pining for my lovely son?

I do miss him, and we talk daily, and it's kind of disconcerting how well he gets along without us. He's going to formal dance classes, and swimming with bikini-clad 12 & 13 year olds, playing tennis, sailing and getting in some golf, so he's not exactly suffering. (I am, though - see "bikini" reference above!) My attitude is - enjoy the relative freedom and celebrate while we can - walk around the house naked! (Oops - TMI, sorry.)

In other kid news, a big welcome to 2 new girls on the planet - the daughter of Uber-Brit couple resident in Wellington S&S, who arrived in July, and the brand-new daughter of M&E in Boston, who arrived a couple of days ago. I bet both moms are happy to begin the sleepless nights, endless feedings and the confusion of "How is it I can competently make foreign policy decisions for my country and manage millions of dollars/pounds, but I can't figure out a child who has three needs - food, sleep, diaper?!?" Good luck, ladies - call me at 3 AM if you need to. (I have an answering machine...)

Frustration At Work

Now that's a title that I think most people can relate to. Everyone came into work this morning with a bit of a chip on their shoulder. It's not helped by the fact this is the slowest season of the year. Why can't we just have the last two weeks of July off? Or part of August like the Euros? I have been filing this week. That and balancing my proverbial checkbook (who really writes checks anymore? Anyone?) and calling the rest of my family, which is currently at the beach. I went up there last weekend and it rained. Now I'm in a cubicle and the weather's great here AND there. So sitting through this morning's tedious staff meeting, where we discussed nothing for 30 minutes, was excruciating. At least let me procrastinate in private, and not force us into a communal suffering!
At least the bid lists for my next job come out soon. A pleasant, if stressful, diversion.....

Ice Road to the South Pole

When I worked in NZ, I covered the Antarctica portfolio. Mostly benign, with lots of cocktail parties in Christchurch, the jumping-off point for U.S. flights to McMurdo Base. Sometimes there were issues with Americans and visas, or unexpected injuries/deaths, and more frequently questions about the environmental impact of U.S. activities, such as the "ice road." We're planning on building a means to get equipment from McMurdo to our South Pole base, on a somewhat more permanent road - currently ice crevices and lack of markers make the trip quite difficult, and we tend to fly. Environmentalists are up in arms about our plans. But, seriously, it's not a real road - it's packed ice! I support not drilling in ANWAR and all that, but the U.S. is nothing if not anal about protecting Antarctica. I should know. But there is concern that it will "bring tourists" and there will be issues of "oil spills" and "air quality." That's why there's a Consultative Commission - that's why we now carry out our crap, literally. And the number of tourists is capped and closely monitored. The quote that really go me though, was this one:
"Sir Edmund Hillary, who drove 2000 kilometres from Scott Base to the South Pole on a tractor in 1957, has expressed distaste for the road. He would not comment this week, but on an Antarctic visit in 2004 said that the road was "terrible". "
Hmmm..... drove a tractor, eh? How did he refuel? Change his oil? I love Sir Ed, but let's see the plans before we express distaste, shall we?

Changing of the Seasons

There is an moment in DC in the springtime when everything changes. It's a bit hard to pin down, but it's between the cherry blossom festival and Memorial Day (about two weeks ago now this year.) There are a few telltale signs, which seem irritating at first, until you realize that the change has happened. For example - you miss a Metro train because people are standing on the left (you walk on the left, stand on the right.) It takes an extra 15 minutes to drive home from work because someone is trying to turn left illegally to get to the Lincoln Memorial. You wear pantyhose to work, and your feet get really hot and sticky and swollen, whereas they didn't the day before. And then you realize - tourists? Humidity? It's Hell Season, aka the swampy, humid, middle-America-tourist filled season that lasts until even AFTER Labor Day. It's why the British diplomats received hardship pay for being here until the early 80s. And I wish it was over already!

Evil Penny Pincher - Or Wise Investor?

Why I love my husband - When I stress about finances (which I do A LOT - having a family is expensive) he holds my hand. Why? Because we read in a magazine that a woman's stress level decreased most drastically when touched by their partner. And it works. Hard to do over the phone, though.

I also love him because we have the same viewpoint on long-term economic investment priorities - education, retirement and home purchase - in that order. I know it sounds dorky, but then again, the reason we clicked on line is because we talked about NZ's approach to economic theory. Ah.... dork love!

Calling In Sick

Had some friends flying in on Monday, returning to the States from a multi-year stay in Uzbekistan. With 3+ months of sick leave on record, I planned ahead to "call in sick." Ironically, I actually got sick on Sunday, and felt awful all of Monday. Friends didn't mind, they have a 3 month old, so wacky athletic adventures weren't on the docket anyway. Now they've left, leaving me with another illness Iwannababy-hangover. Don't worry - it was quickly cured by a couple of beers with the hubby and the ability to choose what time we went to bed.

Insta-parent - Warning labels

M was up all night, puking like clockwork every two hours. I'm off work today, and totally feeling like a parent as I try to figure out how to keep him hydrated. No other symptoms, just totally barfing. Had to pull out the big guns - called my mom. Didn't get anything new, though, so we pour on the gatorade and everyone gets to take a nap today. (It feels decadent to take a day off work when I'm not actually sick...)

Anniversary!

So - coming up on some "big" dates soon - my one year anniversary. Hmmm... paper anniversary. Does that mean we exchange credit card bills or something? Who says romance is dead - perhaps we can update our wills together, or sign papers putting money into a retirement account. The first year has gone well - about as stressful as I thought - moving, new school, new job, paying my own bills - but I am applying "disciplined" Zen. Deep breaths, a mantra of "does this really matter" and a lot of backrubs. Seems to be working.
Anyway, my friend is going to take M dragon boating and around DC, so that A and I can have a nice night together. I miss the pre-wedding/ dating phase, when we talked about politics and economics - instead of little league practice. Marriage is hard work, but I think even knowing that fact makes it easier to improve upon.

The Ups and Downs of Daily Life

Alternately thrilled to be a mom/wife, and missing the good ole' days of being a swinging single. Analysis of weekend - Fri night watched TV - programs suitable for kids. Drank some wine. Saturday - Read papers for work. Went to mall to buy sweaters. Posted letters at post office (this was actually a great victory - meant to do it for ages.) Took belly dancing class. Ordered pizza for dinner (big treat.) Sunday. Slept in - cleaned house - went to H&R Block w/ A to file taxes - Went to gym w/ A - did weekly grocery shopping w/ A - helped M with catch-up hmework after his week of flu. Who says romance is dead - look at all the quality time with my hubby! Not complaining, just observing - and looking longingly at an overseas tour...

Visitors

Two friends I haven't seen in years have independently e-mailed to say they're in town! One from each overseas tour. I love it when people keep in touch and appear out of the blue.

Slacking Off

Some days even the weather is telling you to stay in bed. I did - as long as I could - but I had to come into work. Why? Pressing business? No - pretty much the fact that everyone else in my office is out sick, has scheduled doctor's appointments, or is just taking time off. Could it be the fact that our boss is training this week? I think I feel a nasty 24-hour cold coming on tomorrow. The key is maintaining credibility. Sick enough, but not avian flu. That's the key. Or - use the old honest -but-not-really version. i.e. you do have a Doctor's appointment, but that doesn't mean you need 6 hours off, or yes, you have a headache and are too tired to come in, but only because you watched 8 straight hours of "I Love the 80s" last night.....
Yep. Definitely feeling sickness in advance.

Foreign ASSistance

So, Condi is making some changes to foreign assistance and how the U.S. Government engages in Transformational Diplomacy. What does this mean for my office, which has Congressional authority to oversee assistance in Eastern Europe & the Former Soviet region? Unclear, although in the Q&A it was pointed out that we are a model, and will be referred to as assistance is given an overhaul. I expect a call from Condi anyday now.
And what does it mean for USAID, which wasn't quite subsumed, but isn't quite as independent. All very confusing, and I feel badly for my AID colleagues - uncertainty abounds. At least with me, I do my job and bid an another at the end of the year. Uncertainty is the status quo.

Hiatus & Near-Death Experience

The thing about blogging versus my e-mail updates is the scope of the life event. A big thing inspires a mass e-mailing- something I think everyone would be interested in. Blogging seems quite mundane.

A 10-ton tree hit my parents' house on Saturday night, knocking a giant hole in the top of the house, and flipping downwards to damage the kitchen as well. Big windstorm blew it over, directly into the third floor of the house - in face, the bed that my son had slept in the night before took the brunt of the hit. He thinks it was quite cool that he was almost a pancake. Thankfully, we were in NYC, and so the "hit" only almost-killed my parents (3 feet and a windowsill saved their lives - yikes!) So. My parents are sanguine - they have for the first time read their homeowners policy, which apparently covers this type of accident. They're rather excited about the remodeling and mom keeps talking about putting solar panels in the roof.

Personally, I think they should do something to the tree company that just last year stated that the tree was healthy. Apparently, when it fell it was honeycombed throughout, and obviously rotten. My parents were concerned about the treefall and have, in fact, taken down 6 similar trees for this reason. I mean, I don't believe in suing for the sake of it, but the company should be told off for not doing its job properly.

New York

Went for the day for a meeting. Total waste of time. Great coffee with friend and lunch with another. Then a useless meeting. And my ordered car missed the turnoff for La Guardia. Don't know if you know the area, but we spent an hour in rush hour traffic trying to get to the flippin' airport. A tour or Queens if you will. I missed my 6:30 flight, alhough I did manage to learn an African French patois language by osmosis. He even dropped me off at the wrong terminal. I made the 7:30 shuttle. Which was late. Possibly the longest "work" day in history!
I also got to buy M a gift at FAO Shwartz. Fantazzy!

Repetitive Song Syndrome

Serbia beat Bosnia in soccer to qualify for the World Cup. I don't cover any of those countries, but did stop to muse on the fact that the Bosnian fans were protected in a cage during the game. That's not normal... except that I've been to enough European sporting events to know that it's actually quite correct to protect minority fans (i.e. the visiting team - no ethnic connotation there) from marauding majority fans.

Title of blog entry: Can't get the darn "Albania, you border on the Adriatic" song out of my head, and now everyone in the office is singing it.

Only appropriate, as I'm off to Tirana (the capital of Albania) for a week - leaving this afternoon. Last chance to request souvenirs.

But how do you get these songs out of your head? The only way I've found usually involves getting a more annoying song in its place, i.e. "Kokomo" by the Beach Boys, but redone as "Kosovo." (Check the New York Times for some background on that one - I'll look for the link.)

Anyone out there?

Kosovo was great - no one shot at me. My time in Georgia has definitely jaded me, though. There is great discussion of how poor this region is in comparison to Europe. And yet - they were light years ahead of most of rural Georgia, economically and democratically (I'm willing to debate on this topic...) Example: an individual receiving aid told me that a refrigerator is a "basic necessity." Um, no. Especially in a place with sporadic electricity! A culture of dependence is an evil thing....

Off to Albania mid-month. Can't wait - did you know there's a song? Check here in the comments. I will enjoy sitting on the coast of the Adriatic - but not as much as a weekend in Vienna. One of the great ironies of my current life is that I can't afford my rent, but I can travel to Europe frequently. Ah, well, as Maire Antoinette said, "Let them eat Austrian Air fingerfood at the Business Class lounge!" Or something similar.

Sorry to be loopy - we haven't gone out much lately. I must reemerge from my cubicle....

Bubble, Bubble, Toil & Trouble?

I am in Week 2 of my new job - largely adjusting to the mountains of paper and copious e-mails that between them threaten to engulf me. My office looks much like a prison cell, largely due to the frosted glass sliding door and the bare walls, devoid of anything but one picture of the hubby and son. I suppose this will change, and I'll soon have the typical Dept collection of eclectic tchotchke from countries no one in their right mind would ever travel to as a tourist. I can hardly wait!
It looks like I'll be travelling a lot for the next few months, between visiting family and familiarizing myself with the countries I'll be handling. Not sure of the effect of this on my attempts to establish some sort of familial routine. - Hard to call in a good night when you're 6 hours ahead!
Our house is fantastic, I'm glad I splurged on the rent. Super neighborhood, I can walk to the Metro, there's a veggie garden, all of the neighbors are sufficiently nosy (i.e. they will notice men in balaclavas, but hopefully not pay attention if I have to run by a window in my undies.)
The weather is best described as being the live lobster in the lobster pot. Sweat, grime and heavy sticky air. Ah, the joys of the swamp that is DC. I'm now one of those '80s working women - you know, in a suit and sneakers, change at the desk. A major fashion faux pas, but since it's a mile walk in the course of getting to work, I'm ensuring the future health of my tootsies. I am still wearing skirts, too, even though my legs are severely black and blue from moving (and dropping) furniture. I'll sacrifice them again when our stuff actually arrives, a week after never at this rate.

So, a lengthy update, but we're all fine, adjusting well to life in the U.S. and we haven't gotten any fatter, so I've checked off all the boxes on my to-do list!

When are vacations long enough?

A & M have survived their first 4th of July patriotic extravaganza. M is still in sugar-shock from the cotton candy and red-white-blue gum, "lollies" and other holiday desserts. We had fireworks, we had Bud beer in cans (for the adults) there were Target T-shirts for the family with great slogans, and there were lots of parties. We had tom decompress with Chester-burgers at the beach, bodysurfing and the occasional game of golf. It's been really rough.
But on the other hand, trying to process all of the paperwork involved in getting married, changing health and life insurance and registering from school is driving me crazy. Maybe I'm just creating artificial stress, but I tell you, it's just as tough to get things done from NY as it was from Wellington. BUT - I'm planning to chain myself to some desks come July 18-19 in DC, so if you're in the area, look out for us! Until then, we're making pina coladas to mask my pain at having to return to work August 1. ;-)

Home Again? Or another Foreign Post?

Hello, all! We have safely arrived in the land of cholestorol, big guns and American flags. God bless the USA! A has noted a few changes - the size of electrical cables, the existence of water towers, big cars, more different colored people, and lots of smog. And more big cars. He's also noticed the beauty of outlet shopping, and is the proud owner of a pair of $18 Adidas trainers, as well as a full and "styley" set of Tommy Bahama summer wear. Is this why he married me? ;-) I noticed some differences, too. People really are fatter here. And having to stand in the non-American line at immigration at LAX - I know why people don't like us. I suppose the INS was doing their best, but the line was inefficient and unnecessarily long. We think TV screens showing images of the US would have made the wait much better.
And on to the most important thing for any Kiwi - the food. As expected, the coffee here is crap. We buy full-fat milk, and the checkout people look at us funny. But meat is cheap, and the supermarket here is the size of Lower Hutt in NZ. (i.e. very, verybig.) A can't drink water from the tap, which is odd, but he's taken to Miller Genuine Draft. (Thanks to B in Wellington for that, humph!) No accounting to taste...
No one understands A when he talks, asking him to repeat himself, and all of M's fellow campers think he's Australian. There is a South African tennis coach here, so at least the boys are getting a fix of talking trash about Rugby teams.
So, we are settling in and will write more, but we're on dial-up and it's the slowest thing ever! Missing our Kiwi pals, and hoping to connect with more of you guys in the States. We're off to visit the pinnacle of capitalism - our local outlet mall, in order to purchase more needless items for huge discounts.

Welcome to all my new groupies!

Please leave large cash donations... well, as soon as I set up PayPal here ;-)
I've attached the e-mail that brought you, but sadly I have no wedding photos yet. My home internet is too slow, and I can't use a work computer to download a photo program, so you'll just have to be patient. I can, however, e-mail you a picture if you'd like - just let me know.

Hello all! You've probably been wondering where I've been. Or is that perhaps a very egotistical thing to think? Perhaps you haven't noticed at all that I haven't sent out a mass e-mail recently. How sad... I'd like to think that the reason you haven't written is because - as in When Harry Met Sally - you've been trapped under something heavy, and are still recovering from the ordeal.
Regardless, I am now married as of May 21. To Aaron, who comes with an awesome 10 year old son named Michael. We are moving to northern Virginia in three weeks, and I start my new job in DC August 1. So, that should be enough change to satisfy us for, well, forever. Lots of stress. But rather than take 3 days to send this e-mail update to everyone and give you the down and dirty, I refer you to my blog, which up until now has been rather quietly beta-tested by some of you. Check in every so often to find out new tidbits, and to see how my "quirky" writing style is developing. I won't blog every day, but when the mood strikes, as you'll notice.
Enjoy, and I'd love to hear from you. Once I have a real address and phone number in the States, our spare bedroom will be open to all houseguests. Send me an e-mail if you'd like to touch base while I'm back in the good old U.S. of A.
All our best,D, A and M

I'm Officially Married!!

On Saturday, May 21, A and I made if official in front of God and (2) Countries. As befits a wedding that I had a hand in, there was laughter during the vows, drinking during the ceremony and crying during the toasts. There was more family than you could shake a stick at - and with 15 small kids, there was a lot of stick-shaking.
As I said during my impromptu remarks, it really touched me to be surrounded by so many people who care deeply about our future and who have pledged to support us in our marriage - especially since 90% of the people there were complete strangers less than two years ago. Such is the nature of my job, and, hopefully, A's and my outlook on life that we make good friends quickly and easily. With a lot of travel in our future, let's hope so!
And now, all of the houseguests and family have departed. I have started the Immigration process for the boys, and am gearing up for the big move back to the States. I had no idea it would take so much out of me emotionally and physically. I remember watching a TV show "Bridezilla" with A a few months ago and laughing at these deranged women. And then - the week before the wedding - I became the taskmaster from hell. Crying, yelling, snarking - you name it. I think I just took on too much - all of the final details, 7 houseguests, trying to provide a normal life for M, and training my replacement to take over my job. Did I mention that we move countries in 4 weeks? I'm still exhausted, and may do nothing this weekend but write thank you notes. I'm not superwoman. Hard for me to say, but admitting it takes a lot of the burden off.
Thank you everyone who made our wedding special - it really was fantastic, and let me know if you'd like to see pictures when they come out. Besos.

I Dream... But Get Stuck In Details

I Dream...
Of a lot of things, some fairly mundane, and some a bit more earth-shattering, world-size. Perhaps I shouldn't say "dream" for some of them, since they sound more like a to-do list than aspirations. I mean I Dream: Of Being Able to someday speak Russian fluently. Of taking a photography class and recording my life, since I have a slightly battered if not crushed dream of maintaining a daily journal of my life as a glamorous (or mundane) diplomat. The dream was strongly hit by the death of my home laptop when our son's babysitter, who is a friend's 15 year old kid thought it would be neat to check out some porn - which his parents don't let him do at home for obvious reasons. Well, he downloaded a trojan that has left me with nought but strippers on my hard drive. No journal, no photos of my budding relationship with soon-to-be hubby, no detailed inventory of my things that I use for moving. On the flip side, as a huge pack rat, it does mean I finally have an excuse for deleting every joke and cheesy photo that people have sent that I felt guilty about exorcising from my disk. Lighten and brighten as mom says! Ummm, yes, what was I saying about dreams? Lately my dreams have involved showing up at the wedding to find that there aren't any cars, and I have to drive all the guests around in groups of 3.

I also dream of being an Ambassador. Or a successful mother of successful kids. Or running an international mail-order shoe store that supplies only women's shoes over a size 10.

Nothing to report

No, really. Wedding planning is on-going. We're going to see the Hurricanes tackle the Highlanders in tonight's Super 12 Rugby game (Go 'Canes!) I'm having a garage sale tomorrow in preparation for moving, and in recognition of the fact that we're getting some nice presents for the wedding. I had no idea how much of my clothing I have owned since the end of high school. It's hard to let go, but man - what was I thinking? Like the flower patter jumper was going to come back in style? I actually found myself wanting to keep stuff "for when I get pregnant." What?!? Like I'm going to want to wear that 1989 Gap oversize shirt just because it will fit over some hypothetical baby bump? Rationality was been inserted into the process, largely by A. He is bringing to this marriage a dining suite and two beds. And about 10 pounds of clothes for both he and M. They own almost nothing - he is the anti-pack-rat. For those of you who still have your 2nd grade short story/art collection, it is unfathomable. And I fall into that category. But my system now is to put the clothes in a box for about a month. If I don't go looking for it at all, I don't need it, and it can go.

Selling stuff is also a GREAT excuse to go out and shop.

It's a lot of self-absorption

I have become one of those terrible people who speak incessantly about themselves, and usually on only one topic. I assume that my upcoming wedding is the most fascinating thing in the world, and others are dying for the latest update on how I have matched the placecards with the ring pillow - which I have. See - I'm doing it again!! But while I expect interest in the wedding, I am suffering from great guilt over the shower and the bachelorette party. I invited people to these events as a means of showing that they were included in my life, even if I couldn't afford to take everyone to the actual party. Now they all feel obligated to buy gifts. Sort of an uncomfortable feeling. The "gimme" aspect is not what this is all about, though I'm not so principled as to refuse to accept presents. Part of it, too, is that my man and I are in our thirties. If we've gotten this far with ratty old dishtowels, we can probably go out and buy our own. My good friend here and organizer of the shower (bless her!) keeps saying that it's a way for people to express their happiness. I wish I could believe that more, since I really think the consumer culture has subsumed a lot of folks' good feelings. Perhaps I should be less cynical and just enjoy? Definitely.

Hot. DAMN hot. So Damn Hot...

I read once long ago that you can be best of friends and not be able to tolerate travel together, and be mortal enemies who can endure otherwise withering cross-country car rides with nary a conflict over radio station or Cracker Barrel vs. Waffle House. Actually, that's not quite what I read, but more my own stamp on an old idea. I have a few friends that I travel with splendidly - we have the same interests, the same clean/dirty ration tolerance on accomodation, food and overall hygiene (in order: some bugs OK, no bugs OK, a little dirt never hurt.) Some of my dearest friends, however, who pull me out of despair, are indespensible at cocktail parties and receptions with a visiting Queen make me want to jump out of any mutually confining moving object after 2 minutes. This does NOT make them "bad" in any way - travel is a highly personalized form of self-expression. I loved wandering the interior of Azerbaijan and staying in a place with no lights, a walk to the loo, mosquitoes and a lot of gold teeth. Fabulous vacation! But lest you think I am ranting against those who are not strictly the Four Seasons, give-me-namebrand-soap-or-give-me death-types, I have a confession to make.
I am in Samoa. For the weekend I went to "the big island" of Savaii - normally a two day trip I condensed into one. I stayed in a "romantic" beach fale in Salelologa. Yeah, right. I arrived to find a rather run-down collection of grass huts (a beach fale has, by nature, no walls, just grass matting, so I expected that.) My particular "chalet" was very open, giant cockroaches, mosquitoes everywhere, an aggressive cat, and an amorous local staff member. Perhaps it wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't stayed at Samoa's premier resort for the preceding two weeks? I was very unhappy, and if there had been a Four Seasons within 1000 miles, I would have been on it in no time flat.
I hate heat. Especially damp, humid heat. I get cranky and irrational. (Hey, stop nodding, you!) I have never performed well when hot, hence my penchant for Russia. And so I, too, am a fussy traveller. I thought I could handle "roughing it" and laugh off a tough time. But perhaps I am getting older? Or perhaps travelling alone is losing its romantic, introspective, Jack-Kerouac overtones? I just felt old, tired, sweaty and smelly. I fly out to NZ tonight, and can hardly WAIT to take a shower.
But I'm still up for touring Central Asia in a rented car if anyone wants the challenge - it'll just have to be in late Fall or early Spring...
The title is from Good Morning, Vietnam, FYI.

Antarctic Dreams Rained Out

Many of you may have seen the movie "Groundhog Day" with Bill Murray. I am living it. Instead of returning from a fantastic trip to McMurdo station in Antarctica, I am on Day 4 of waking up in Christchurch with a 4:45 AM phone call calling off the trip for 24 hours. Actually, that's not true. Wednesday morning we got on the plane and flew three hours before we had to turn around. Apparently the weather down there is crazy - it's snowing and moist - almost like rain. But it NEVER rains in Antarctica, so apparently global warming, believe in it or not, has affected weather patterns. And so.... I am hanging out in Christchurch, rapidly running out of clean clothes. If we don't go Friday morning, I'm going to have to throw in the towel, and head back to Wellington, my dreams of an Antarctic exploration dashed forever. (Note the tone of melodrama and self-pity... I think it springs from being bored, bored, bored!)
My next e-mail will contain more exciting info, like wedding details and the weather report for Wellington!
Signing off, awash with self-pity ;-) Dorothy

Back Pain

I wonder if there is a certain level of stress that people can't live without, and so they focus on trivial incidents in order to achieve that adrenalin rush? Why do I ask? Ummm... no reason. No, I've been very concerned lately about my schedule and making sure everything is just so... in May and June. My partner thinks that I am insane for planning further out than the coming weekend, but that is why we get along so well. My North-East US neuroticism is complemented by his Down-Under laid-backness. I hope. If not, it'll be a helluva life together!

Perhaps it's just the holiday season? I haven't been to the gym to work off my holiday face-stuffing, as I am suffering pretty bad back pain. I dutifully go to the physiotherapist, as prostitution is legal here and I am leery of "massage parlors." He said I have a stressed back. So perhaps it isn't me, it's just certain muscles that are worried about my packing arrangements six months from now? While i haven't worked out (triathalon still looms) I am eating immensely, with lunches planned daily, and holiday parties at night. Had a great time last night, drinking with the Government Opposition. Have I mentioned how nice Kiwis are? Free beer, good converstion and the ability to put up a Christmas tree in a public building without fear of a lawsuit. Sometimes I think staying here permanently wouldn't be so bad. Better to worry about back pain than imminent death.

I'm Back - Did You Miss Me?

My trip to America was a revelation. I've never seen my home through the eyes of someone whose only point of reference is Hollywood and trashy reality TV shows. It's an astounding place, full of different-colored, different-beliefed, different shaped (man, we're fat!), and definitely different economied people. I took the opportunity to tour NYC, which I have never done as a tourist. Statue of Liberty. King King's Empire State Building. Ellis Island. And of course, the highlight, when I turned the wrong way and we tried to walk by Madison Square Garden during the Republican National Convention. The little one was in heaven b/c there were men with sub-machine guns everywhere - guns are an oddity in NZ, and the police don't even carry them as a matter of course. I think he took a whole roll of film of just SWAT men.
Wellington is a nice return, if a bit cold. I've got visitors up the wazoo scheduled for the next few months, so for now I enjoy the calm. The opportunity to go to the gym - did I mention I've signed up for a tri-athalon in February? I must have been drunk.... thankfully, it's a "women's" event, and the distances being covered are short. However, I have to swim in the South Pacific, and we ain't talking wash-that-man-outta-my-hair S. Pacific, we're talking penguins and icebergs. I'm investing in a new bike... and a wetsuit!

The Rock vs. An Avalanche

*A modified version of my e-mail update*
Are you reading this post with trepidation? Worried that I haven’t written in so long I must have joined a cult and am now only writing to sweetly inquire after your credit card number so that we can finance Sultan Bawanagathei’s message of peace, love, harmony and gold Rolls-Royces? Or perhaps I am writing following some horrible debilitating accident that has left me immobile for months and you – you callous friend – have not seen fit to send me an e-mail asking if I was alright, as I slowly regained the use of my lips!Well, don’t worry. I’m fine. (Never normal, but doing alright, thanks for asking.) Wellington is in the midst of winter, still a difficult concept for my northern hemisphere brain to comprehend. I have actually had a burst of activity here in the past month, a welcome break from the relatively low-key goings-on that typify diplomacy in New Zealand. (Washington, DC counterparts: I leave at 5 PM – eat your heart out!) Earlier in August, I used up some leave and convinced my buddies to avoid responsibility and take Friday off to ski. We headed to Mt. Ruapehu in the central North Island, where I’d been once before last year. When I was there in ’03, the first day all of the lifts were closed due to high winds – someone got blown off of a chair lift, which was seen as a possible hazard, despite the fact that you can’t really file a lawsuit here. The second day, all the runs were open, but there wasn’t a lot of snow, so the only way down the mountain was to ski the top half and ride the chairlift down. This year, however, yowzah! I was much more impressed. The guys took snowboarding lessons on the beginner slope. I did about 6 hours of straight skiing, and didn’t hit the same run twice. In fact, they have so many trails that at one point, I thought I’d gotten lost, since I couldn’t see another person. I had to hikeup a hill – in ski boots, so my quads are quite fit now. (“Look for the positive in everything” was my mantra as I almost passed out from exertion.) What I like about Ruapehu is that it’s an active volcano, and they have guidelines along the runs on where to ski if the lahar (volcanic mud collected in the top crater) suddenly spills over. OK – THAT’s a normal hazard on a skifield! Not quite on par with Chechen rebels in Georgia, but you make your own drama, right? Yesterday, however, there was a HUGE avalanche in the South Island, originally planned by the staff to ease the snow weight, it got out of control. No one was injured, thankfully (since I’m on duty this week!)The second day, I did something I’ve wanted to try for years – I took a snowboarding lesson. Not that this should come as a surprise to anyone, butmy level of athleticism is pretty low. And I have no balance. It’s a hard sport! That and it was overcast and the ground was ice. It was funny to watch, though, because the kids taking lessons would fall over and get back up. The adults would fall over and then try to discuss with the teacher what they’d done wrong and rationalize why and how they fell. As if physicsexplained our inability to pick something up on the first go. No excuses for my performance, but I broke my tailbone about 18 months ago, and it tookone great big fall to remind me that it hadn’t healed properly. I’m such a wuss, trying not to cry with this shooting pain in my rear-end. How do you look genteel rubbing your own bum? You don’t. Thankfully, the guys were sympathetic, albeit natural athletes who whizzed by me after one day of lessons. I braved the pain as long as I could, and seemed to get the hang of it, but they had me on normal foot, and I think I should have been goofy. (Insert obvious barbed comment here!) So, maybe I’ll try again in the future, but for now I’ve crossed something off my list of things to do.Merely seven days after our chilly ski adventure, I was winging my way to Apia, Samoa for the Pacific Islands Forum, a gathering of Pacific Leaders working to promote economic growth, good governance, regional security, etc,etc. The U.S. is involved in the Post-Forum Dialogue, as we have territories as well as great interest in the goings-on in the Pacific. I landed on Saturday morning, which was odd since I had already had a full Saturday in Wellington. I made the dateline work for me – a three day weekend, and no Wednesday on the way back! It was about 90 degrees hot and humid. And it’s winter there. Our delegation was headed by the Assistant Secretary for the region, a high-ranking guy who has been working in that region for decades. He’s out point person on North Korea, so lots of folks wanted meetings. Rather sad, really, “welcome to Samoa, you’re going to spend the next two days sitting in one chair having meetings for 10 hours a day.” Ok, not so sad for me, since we had two notetakers, and I managed to sneak in some quality pool time and even a day of vacation snorkeling at a place called Lolamanu, on the eastern tip of the island. It was incredible – my coworker stopped counting different fish when she hit 57 in about 3 minutes. And the coral was healthy and about 20 feet from shore. I’m spoiled, I admit. And now, to the reason for the title of this e-mail. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson was in Samoa during the Post-Forum gathering. Forthose who are scratching your head, he was a WWF wrestler “Can you smell what the Rock has cooking?” against such favorites as Hulk Hogan, etc. He now does action films, including the new movie “Walking Tall,” and he did some film called “Rumble in the Jungle” I think with Stiffler from American Pie. Anyway! He dominated media coverage, with noone paying any attention to, say, Australian Prime Minister Howard. I had managed to miss all Rock sightings, but when we got to Lolamanu, there was a woman who brought out our woven mats, which go on the floor of the fale (hut) so you can get out of the sun. She said in halting English that the Rock would be in the nearby village very shortly. She kept saying “upstairs,” but everything was one story, so go figure. We said that actually we’d rather go snorkeling, and didn’t need to see the Rock. After a look of mixed shock/horror/disgust, she tried again. “Many white people.” We had to laugh – I think many white people is a good thing? An assurance that we wouldn’t be the only out-of-towners? I have no idea, but we replied that if they had many white people, they didn’t need any more.
A short description of Samoa, since few will likely visit. One, it’s apparently more beautiful than American Samoa. Two, Robert Louis Stevenson lived there. His grave and house-museum are up the mountain near Apia. I didn’t have time to go, but heard they are worth the trip. Three, Samoan men are very friendly. Watch your back, ladies. Literally. (Of course, they’re very attractive as well…) Four, not a lot of restaurants, but thereare enough good places to eat that a two-week vacation would be filled. Five, for any who know “South Pacific,” Aggie Grey, proprietor of Aggie Grey’s hotel, is thought to be portrayed in the musical as Bloody Mary. Aggie Grey’s is an institution in the South Pacific, and if you know any WWII GI’s who visited Samoa, I’m sure they remember it fondly. Ahem. Six, the women wear sarongs or island-print dresses. The men wear lavalavas, aka a skirt. Secure in their masculinity, and practical for 100 degree temperatures. Seven, most of the houses (fales) don’t have walls. I guess there are no issues of concern over things being stolen, although I didn’t ask. People will spend money getting electricity and water first, and then worry about buying and building walls.

Sorry my notes are short and not as thrilling as past years, but the beauty of New Zealand is how easy it is to live an approximation of an American life. They even have cream cheese at the supermarket. I will test this theory as I depart for the US on the 26th, for a couple of weeks of relaxation. Of course, I timed my visit to NYC to coincide with the Republican Convention, but it adds to the excitement?!

Long time, no sea!

Huge storm on Wednesday. Wind gusts of up to 180 kph (about 120 mph.) About a foot of rain in 24 hours. And the weird thing.... everyone came into work. The roof of the airport blew off, and the ferries and trains were cancelled. Yet, almost everyone showed up to their desk. It wasn't even mentioned internationally as a hurricane. It was just a heckuva storm. I need a reality check! Japan was all over the news as a hurricane with rather delicate gusts of 100 kph attacked Tokyo. They're hardy folks, there Kiwis. I am slightly less hardy, and did have to put in an order to have my roof fixed when I was awakened by a leak directly over the foot of my bed (which was busy housing my feet.) Winter down here can be brutal, not least because the storm and its winds came directly from Antarctica. Cold doesn't begin to describe. When living in St. Petersburg, it would routinely drop past 20 below (Celsius.) I was fine, but it was dry cold - here it's mould and damp and misery.
I wish I was a penguin.

Chocolate Rock Vacation

The human body has an incredible capacity for chocolate consumption. Whereas I get full after only two handfuls of broccoli, and entire chocolate bar can mysteriously disappear down my gullet and I'm hungry three minutes later. It must be because the chocolate particles already have many little fat cell friends to hang out with, and the poor broccoli are lonely in their healthiness, travelling through my bloodstream like nomads....

Just found out that, while in Samoa the Rock will be there. I am going to a Charity Dinner where he is the star. I find that, dare I admit, more exciting than meeting the president of Nauru. I guess that means that I am not 100% dork, but may still have some cool genes intact. I'm sure they'll disappear when I turn 30.

Oh, and I will only be in Apia for a week, due to a change in plans. That gives me time to come home, unpack, repack and then head home, home, home!

My IQ probably peaked in elementary school

My friend Violet has a pithy post on her blog (sorry, password protected, no link!) on how quickly her ego cycles.  I sympathize as I alternate between supreme intelligence in the face of incredibly insipid individuals and the soul-crushing realization that my IQ probably peaked in elementary school.  This latter has become more apparent as I negotiate on a rather prickly bi-lateral issue that involves nuanced and often biased interpretations of certain aspects of international law and emotional attachment to patriotic ideals.  I'm in over my head.  But I wonder if I'm the only one that sees it that way, as I have been told in the past that I come off as fairly competent when engaged in these discussions.  I guess we never see ourselves as others do, and I know I'm my own worst critic.

Anyway, insanely busy - headed off to Samoa in early August and from there to the States for a vacation.  You can't imagine trying to plan your packing list for 6 weeks, when the temperatures will vary from 40 to 100 degrees, business attire and casual wear.  I welcome the challenge if it gets me R&R at home!!

holy matrimony, for very unholy reasons

  (Another new post appears below)
In other news, it appears that my job wants to force me into holy matrimony, for very unholy reasons.  Apparently travelling with a partner around the world from posting to posting involves the employee paying for every last one of the partner's expenses.  That can be quite expensive as those of you who have bought tickets to, say, Tashkent can attest.  I'm sure the policies are designed to prevent even a whiff of an allegation that gay relationships are OK, but part of me wants to yell, "It's the 21st Century!"  New Zealand is debating a law on Civil Unions, and many of the arguments on the sanctity of marriage, the importance of the fabric of the family, etc would sound familiar to Americans.  But before I get off topic, I would like to take my current partner with me.  I can not afford that on my salary.  He could not work in the U.S. unless we were married.  Ergo, I must either marry solely for financial reasons, or "live in sin" in a foreign country!  I know it all sounds very dramatic, but with the dearth of life-threatening incidents here, I have to create my own drama. (Ooh, I do recommend, though, that you check out Hamas' recent endorsement of the New Zealand government.... What!) Wacky things are afoot down under...

I'll assume it's a "British thing" and leave it at that

Well, then, it's been a while, hasn't it! Last Saturday I attended the Bledisloe Cup Rugby Test Match between New Zealand and Australia.  The NZ All Blacks trounced the Aussies, both winning the game and (in my opinion) winning the fight that broke out of the field.  The weather, true to form for this lovely town, was abysmal.  The wind in the stadium actually swirls like a tornado, so when the ball is kicked it is likely to go sideways and backwards.  (This could have contributed to NZ's win, as those types of conditions are tough for visiting teams to replicate.)  Our seats were uncovered - it was cold and wet, and by the second half even my underwear was wet.  Thankfully, we had a couple of warm beers purchased at exorbitant prices to help pass the time (!)  Complaining aside, the game really was awesome, and I look forward to catching a few more international tests before I leave next year.  No- I have no idea why they call them tests, I mean it's a real game, not a practice, but since they call them Cricket tests, too, I'll assume it's a "British thing" and leave it at that.

An abundance of love is never a bad thing.

An abundance of love is never a bad thing. But the philosophy student in me begs to differ with every absolute statement. Case in point - I am headed home for a visit in August. Ten days of showing my Kiwi buddy my native land. Should be exciting - invigorating - a total nightmare. Scheduling is rapidly proving more difficult than a presidential visit. 51 hours in Los Angeles, with a possible swing-by visit of a) high school friend, b) uncle, c) local NZ consul. Anywhere from 6 to 36 hours in Philadelphia, a mandated minimum 24-hour trip to NYC, requests for side visits because-i-haven't-seen-you-in-ages to New Hampshire, Washington, DC and Ohio. Hmmmm... ten days, 10 cities? (Not counting the 27 hours of plane travel!) Not the restful beach vacation I'd imagined. So, I guess I must forego the love, and stick to my own priorities. At LEAST two days on the beach, doing absolutely nothing. At LEAST one day in Philadelphia. And who knows beyond that. What makes it all so difficult is the fact I'd like to see all of the people mentioned, but not at the expense of what was designed as a vacation.

Maybe I'll just set up digital video conferences and conduct round-table discussions on my life? Technology is wonderful...

Happy Midwinter!

Before I forget, Happy Midwinter! Down here we're celebrating Matariki - the Maori New Year, when Rigel (the star) appears on the horizon, along with the Seven Sisters.
So, happy shortest day of the year - it only gets better from here!

I sprained my ankle imaginary jump-roping in high school

I am limping for the first time since I sprained my ankle imaginary jump-roping in high school. (Followed shortly, of course, by the infamous incident where, while trying to negotiate the main staircase at school I fell and twisted the other ankle.) Athlete of the year, I am obviously not. But last night was a hard-out, full-on indoor soccer match. We had no subs show up, which meant 30 minutes of sprinting in a cold shed on the waterfront against a fully-rested and well-subbed team of Kiwis. We got clobbered. Literally and figuratively - my right knee is swollen, my shin is the color of madonna's '80s eye shadow, and there is an imprint of the soccer ball pattern on my thigh. Weirdly, though.... I feel cool. It's like a badge of honor - I got my butt kicked, but hey, I'm athletic and "hard core." No need to mention the fact that I whined like a baby all last night, and may use the injury as an excuse for an expensive full-body massage this weekend.

I have friends who are bored with linear thought

Thanks to those of you who have contibuted commentary on my blog-ness. I received a number of responses from intrepid and objective outsiders, very few of which have anything to do with my blog topics. I include some of my "faves."

a)people in Thailand have really long names, but usually introduce themselves to foreigners with a nickname, like "D" or "Pond"
b) if you are bored in Samarkand, Uzbekistan, I can hook you up with a woman with lots of English-language novels
c) New Zealand was discovered largely as a by-product of Cook's voyage to Tahiti to witness the transit of Venus
d) my blog apparently gives the impression I am depressed/cranky all of the time - I'm not, though, it was just a bad week. So, please stop offering me your spare Prozac prescriptions. We have socialized medicine here, and anyway- I'm OK....
e) I found that I have friends who are bored with linear thought, and I find that strangely satisfying. Linear thought is for the overly left-brained.
f) If calculated mathematically, the proportion of friends remaining in the States to friends overseas is 41.6. Since the answer to the meaning of life is 42, I figure that's a good sign.

I also found out that, unless the list is really good, which this one isn't, I don't like making lists in my postings.

If it was any better then all those shits that live in Auckland would move down here

Off to Rugby tonight - Manu Samoa vs. Scotland. A typical Wellington day - a bit rainy, overcast, with wind gusts to 130 kph (74 miles per hour.) One of my compatriots heard a nasty rumor that the game would be cancelled. Since I have two rambunctious kids attending the scrum-viewing with me, I thought I'd better check. I called the ticket company, and in true Kiwi fashion (aka laid-back), he said, "but it's too late to tell people if it's cancelled." ?!? So, what - everyone has to schlep downtown to get a personal no? He went on - "anyway, the weather would have to be really, really bad for us to cancel a rugby game." As he says this, I'm watching small children blow across the street, schoolbags ballooning like umbrellas ahead of them, wet hair smacking across their face, only to be halted in their dangerous trajectory by lamposts, large buildings or moving cars. Good thing the weather isn't bad. But I suppose when you're in Wellington, bad weather is a 7 point earthquake and, compared to that, storm force winds are a small price to pay. As architect Ian Athfield said "it's good that Wellington's so windy and difficult a lot of the time because if it was any better than all those shits that live in Auckland would move down here."

As I give a tongue-in-cheek assessment of this beautiful city's weather, I should mention that the mayor of Auckland, NZ's largest city by far, with all of the attendant problems that that implies, stated that Auckland was the engine of the country, and Wellington was merely "a port town at the bottom of the country." (Um, OK, yes, and?) adding that "Wellington needs Auckland. We don't need the capital." Last time I checked, most countries actually do need the capital, and I'm sure that, at its heart, Auckland is happy to be politican/Parliament free. But as the Mayor noted: "Margaret Thatcher once told me it's not important to be liked. It's only important to be respected." And Maggie would know....

Easier than 60 Million Possums

It's Friday! Helluva a week. Visitors from out of town, which is good (get out of the office to meet fun people) and bad (must plan painfully detailed schedule including potty breaks and phone calls home for 5 grown humans for 4 days.) I did have the distinct honor (?) of getting to see the Department of Internal Affairs make NZ passports. I also had the Immigration Service use my name as the "sample" for entry and exit from the country. Creepy - they know all of my movements. Very big brother - and surprisingly, more so than in the U.S. I suppose it's a question of scale, and NZ's 4 million are easier to track. (Easier than the 60 million possums, apparently.)

-Recieved confirmation today that my cell phone bill is the highest of all my co-workers. Sorry, guys, no more calling home!

My spirits soared, and I only lost two balls

Happy Memorial Day! As we just celebrated ANZAC Day last month - the Down Under version of Memorial/Veterans' Day, I felt that I had celebrated the military sufficiently, and used the Monday to do errands - like the glamour of getting my car inspected, and the luxury of getting a back massage (see below.)

But Sunday I did the unthinkable - I went golfing! NZ has more golf courses per capita than anywhere else on earth. Fifteen dollars Kiwi for 18 holes. Of course, it was freezing, and the ground was wet, and there were two very New Zealand-esque holes that involved a 50 meter vertical drop surrounded by bog. However, I was stunning - given that I had not played in a year. The ball went straight, my spirits soared, and I only lost two balls. Golf is a very self-fulfilling sport. If you play well, your confidence is high and you only get better. Hit a crpapy drive, though, and you'll be in a river in two strokes, swearing as you hopelessly thrust your expensive club into some brown gooey muck. I figure it's like being a supermodel. If someone paid me to look thin and gorgeous and pouty, and that's all I did, I'd be great. If someone paid me to golf all the time, I'd be fabulous. Unfortunately, I'm tied to the mundanity of a 9 to 5, and probably happier anyway. I like to eat, and too much golf hurts my back.